softstarsong's Xanga

Hi!

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 14:33:59 GMT

So, I figure it's been about forever since I posted here. Maybe I'll retrieve my archives and pull them over to Blogger. I don't know.

I was thinking last night about how this period of my life will probably be referred to as "when the world fell apart". It really feels that way. I can't quite decide when the world fell apart...but things have been just getting worse it seems for a couple of years. I remember being so glad to be starting a new year...I thought, maybe it will change and get better. But guess what? It didn't get better, it got worse - almost immediately after getting home from the holidays.

But anyway. I haven't talked to most of my friends in a while, so no one knows, and I'm kind of tired of that. And I really can't think of how I would even bring it up in conversation. So: my parents are getting divorced. It really really bites. It bites way more than I thought it could. I guess I really should have gone to FL over the holidays, since Matt had so much time off. Now, I don't have a home to go to - or won't soon anyway. And it will be a long time before either of us gets a job again with good vacation day options.

So, the world has fallen apart. My parents aren't together. My home in FL will be sold or foreclosed on. Our degrees can't get us jobs. My grandparents are getting older and sicker. I've been trying to cope for two years by pulling in...making my safe little home and being in it. But that isn't working...I need to look out to get out. I'm just really bad at it.

I know I am mostly whining here. But. My blog. I'll whine if I want to. :)

I'm Alive.

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 00:27:22 GMT

Yikes, I almost don't recognize Xanga anymore!

Hi, I'm alive. I feel like a bum. (And I only half care...but feel pretty guilty about it.) Pretty much the summary of my life.

So...Christmas, yaaaaaaaay.

My Summer Vacation...

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 22:12:33 GMT

And, since the lolcat is out of the way, I also wanted to post some pics I took while in Evansville with my Geo...peoples. This sunset distracted me so much that I lost all the geologists that were leading me to the food and wandered around for a while. So naturally, all the fruit was gone by the time I found it. Lots o' barbeque and booze though!

Hehehehe

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 00:23:01 GMT

"...It was red and yellow and green and brown
And scarlet and black and ocher and peach
And ruby and olive and violet and fawn
And lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve
And cream and crimson and silver and rose
And azure and lemon and russet and grey
And purple and white and pink and orange
And red and yellow and green and brown
Scarlet and black and ocher and peach
And ruby and olive and violet and fawn
And lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve
And cream and crimson and silver and rose
And azure and lemon and russet and grey
And purple and white and pink and orange
And blue..."

The "R" Word

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:38:44 GMT

I really really wish the newscasters would stop saying things like this: "Keep your job." "This is not a good time to be looking for jobs."

Not a great thing for a grad student to hear on a Monday morning.

Ah well. Everything else is okay, for the moment. I'm making progress, albeit slow and painful, on my work, which I really hope I can wrap up before I have to get a job. The insurance is taking care of my van, so I might have it back from the shop by the end of the week. Matt's found a way to keep his ticket off his record. Our taxes are done. So...we'll be completely out of savings by the time taxes and our insurance is due. Oh well.

I'd better stop delaying and start coding! I hope no one gets mad at me for skipping forum today, but I have no way of getting to campus that is worth it for a one hour meeting.

Gopher, anyone?

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 22:26:10 GMT

Has anyone seen that episode of King of the Hill where Hank dreams he part of the "smack the gopher" game? That's what I feel like right now. I HATE spring semesters.

February has given me no quarter at all. Constant proposal edits, so I still don't even have that approved. Haven't gotten enough coding done because I'm too busy editing my proposal. Still no committee meeting. Last week I had an exam - pretty killer - the last question was worth twenty points and began with "it's brain dump time." No kidding. Then I get a note from my advisor that my timescale for finishing by August is "overly optimistic and very ambitious." Well, what the ...? So, in a month, I've gone from graduating in May to....December? It hurts. I'll have to get a job after this summer, as my coursework will be finished, and I won't be able to defer my loans anymore, and I won't be getting a stipend or any further funding from the department. This is largely my own problem, because I haven't gotten organized earlier, and I don't mid so much except for worrying how we'll be able to live.

And yesterday...headed to campus to work on the presentation I have to give tomorrow (with no data)...I got in an accident. My pretty new van that we're paying loan payments on. Now, it wasn't my fault, I'm fairly certain. The other lady declined to admit she merged into me, or was even attempting to merge. But the damages on the cars pretty much implies that she hit me. So yeah. Insurance claims, and body shops, and oh, did I mention I'm not old enough to rent a car yet? My van is plenty drivable for now - though the passenger door cannot open. I just hope we don't end up having to pay for her car - it was a rental car.

So yeah. Working on my presentation for tomorrow. With no presentable data. Is it disgraceful for a second year student to have no data to show yet? I would have if I had gotten a later presentation date...but those are reserved for people who are going to a conference in April. I'm sure it will be horrible, as I do not have a grasp on several things that I haven't gotten to actually performing yet. But then it will be over. I will knit tomorrow night. And possibly drink some whiskey. A lot of whiskey. *headdesk*

Oh, and the last straw? My hairstylist? The one who finally cut my hair perfect? I went to schedule a trim, and I think she's quit.

Why?

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 22:08:14 GMT

Why does snow = bread & milk? Why? How will bread and milk sustain you if you're buried alive? I don't get it.

Hurricane = batteries, generators, water, non-perishables. NEVER bread & milk.

I love the hours before a snowstorm. I love snowstorms! No, I've never had any bad snow experiences, and that's probably why. But I love snow :)

I Have No Words.

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 21:18:24 GMT

Thanks for the comments, friends :) It does help to know that this is a stage...and that grad students everywhere have the guilt and loathing and....everything. I'm not sure why I would have thought it just me, but then I get paranoid like that, when it seems like everyone around me is working perfectly fine.

Ugh. I have now made it to my third THIRD proposal edit. I'm quite frustrated that the freakin' proposal needs this much editing. Can't I just put it behind me and move on with the ** project? I guess not. Since I managed to get myself a presentation date of Feb. 25th...no comment...now I'm supposed to have my cladistics done and with results to show. Mm-hm. Suure. If I can get it done that fast, why will I not be able to graduate until August? Oh, because we're going to edit my thesis 15 times?

I'm not bitter.

I AM hoping that it snows 6 inches tomorrow night. Sure it's a pain...but it's fun...and maybe it'll cancel class? I am also glad that we did not die in a tornado last night. Apparently, I don't react well to such things. (It doesn't help that the siren is in our backyard I think.) Why they set off the countywide sirens, I don't know. You could have a heart attack until you find where the tornado actually is - at least 10 miles north of you.

All I want to do is knit things. Shawls, scarves and socks.

I Don't Think I Can...

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 19:54:58 GMT

...work on this thesis. I just can't do it. I knew I couldn't, but I kept putting it off. There is just too much knowledge that I don't have, that I can't teach myself, that I don't want to learn because it's too specialized, and too little time to even think of attempting it.

I think...I think it's just time to admit I can't. Or is it just that I don't want to? And if it is, can I live with that? I just don't know what happens now. If I can't finish my Master's, do I have to give my funding back? I should have asked these things before I ever agreed to come here. What was I thinking?

Then again - this is what I've been saying all along - why can't I just suffer miserably for just three more months, and then be done with it?

Oh yeah. Because I can't even start.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 04:07:30 GMT

Fun little IQ test. I definitely remember answering these types of things ad infinitum when younger. Also good to know that my IQ hasn't depreciated - essentially the same now, if a little higher, as when I was 7.

The Classic IQ Test

My Result: Insightful Linguist

You are gifted with the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind.

Insightful linguists can take complex concepts and articulate them to just about anyone. You have a gift with words and insight into processes and the way people think. These talents enable you to explain things clearly to people. Helen Keller is a great example of an Insightful Linguist. Blind, deaf and mute, she was still able to put things together in her mind and to understand complex ideas. She could do that because she was able to conceptualize ideas internally. Though she could not literally see, she had the visual and spatial skills necessary to understand patterns on an abstract level. She learned to read, write and ultimately became a writer on issues of social justice.

You have an uncanny ability to work your way out of sticky situations using your talent with words. Crossword puzzles, debates — you're particularly well equipped to come out on top since you can read people well.

Like Charles Dickens, your verbal skills go far beyond having a good vocabulary. Dickens' genius was in the artful and descriptive way he crafted sentences. Also Dickensian, is your keen eye for detail and your adeptness for identifying the best way to express an idea based on your given surroundings and circumstances.

Your ability to communicate your vision clearly will take you far. So enjoy being perceptive, and make the most of your abilities as an insightful linguist.

Take this test >